Wednesday, January 19, 2011


*WARNING* This is a rather personal post that has some self-loathing drivel, but it has been therapeutic to write it down. Proceed at your own caution!

I thought a ton about my goals for the year. The last part of December usually brings on the swirling of ideas of things I would like to change about myself. This year was no different and because of place I have been in lately, I had to narrow it down and get some focus. After all, I think real progress in a couple of things is better than being so overwhelmed with everything that I feel unable to do anything.

I have some days where I feel I am drowning in my own mediocrity -- my house is messy, my to do list is pages long, I have a pile of papers on my kitchen counter that is threatening to take over the world, it has been too long since really connecting with and supporting my friends and family, somehow the basics of the gospel even seem out of my reach, AND the way it is in my head is rarely is how it ever turns out. Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

I won't share all my goals, because some of them are pretty personal, but I did want to put some of them "out there" for some form of accountability. So here is some of my list and what I am doing to work on these things. I feel very blessed to have friends that I surround myself with that can teach me some of these things.

  • Talk less, listen more
  • Erase the unnecessary
  • "ORGANIZE yourself, PREPARE every needful thing" -- wills, 72 hour kits, food storage inventory

  • Make a habit of personal prayer (EVERY NIGHT)
  • Study scriptures 10 minutes daily
  • Lose 40 pounds
  • Take a photography course
  • Improve my photoshop skills (how to use actions)
  • Begin voice lessons again
  • Learn how to make things beautiful (presentation)

I think the most difficult will be losing weight and the most abstract like talking less, erasing distractions, and learning better presentation skills.

With the weight thing, I have started (yet another) diet. I am doing a really strict one as I try to gain more motivation (by seeing the numbers go down on the scale) to do the responsible thing of less input, more output. I have some great events coming up that are also adding some incentive; my brother's wedding is in March and then I am going to NYC in April. I would like to be less gross by both of those, not to mention swimsuit season.

I am not kidding myself, erasing distractions is going to be extremely difficult for me. I have a tendency to care about and get invested things and people that are not really adding anything to my life. I guess it is a form of decluttering. I read a great quote the other day on a friend's facebook status that really set off bells for me. "Never make somebody a priority in your life when they only make you an option in theirs." I hope that by learning this I will free myself to focus more on what is truly important.

I have never really figured out how to make things beautiful and the art of presentation. I am so overwhelmed by all that goes into that I seem to stay frozen where I am. I would really like to have a house that looks like grown-ups live there. I would like to not be scared when someone talks about decorating a cake. I am so lucky that I have friends and family that are very good at that and I am hoping to make a conscious effort this year to learn from them.

I just feel like this is the year! I would like to feel like I am progressing. There is too much in my life where I feel like I am just hanging on by my fingernails. This is the year I am going to get my act together and take actions so that I can begin to feel the freedom of being capable. I know that by myself I will not be able to get there, but I know with the help of family, friends, and especially the Lord that I will be able to make PROGRESS.


shelly said...

Good luck Carli, I know you will be successful at your goals! It's funny how we are so hard on ourselves because I only see you as a beautiful, vibrant, incredibly talented woman that I admire! And no, you are not the only person who feels that way about your life, we have all had those feelings at one time or another... :) Love you!

Amy said...

Oh Carli - so many of these exact thoughts/goals have been going through my head! I feel like I could have written a lot of this post myself! :) I am working on many of the same things, and easily feel overwhelmed by everything I WANT to do and how far I feel I still have to go. I think you are an amazing, beautiful woman - inside and out! I am always hoping to get to know you better - and this post just confirms that we need to be friends! :) I wish I was still your VT so I'd have a good excuse to visit and chat with you. (But I'd still love to chat anytime! Seriously!) Best wishes to you with your goals - just remember to celebrate every bit of progress - even if it's just "baby steps"! That is something I am finally starting to learn... to look at what I HAVE accomplished and AM accomplishing instead of all the things I HAVEN'T. You are awesome (and anything but mediocre)!

Jen said...

No, you're not the only one feeling like this. I enjoyed reading and considering your list, I haven't taken the time yet to make one.

KristiKay said...

It's nice to know we aren't alone in our crazy thoughts...we all feel overwhelmed at times! I loved Sister Beck's talk about things that are essential, necessary, and fun-to-do...I really loved how she said that when our priorities are out of order we lose power! I never thought about it like that! Like your friend Shelly, I only see you as wonderful, talented, and gorgeous girl...but we all have our struggles that need to be overcome, I guess. Good luck to you...I know you will do it! Wish I could see more of you! :)

Marie said...

I like you so much. The year of PROGRESS. What a grand idea. It's making me think which areas (because there are THOUSANDS) to work on for myself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.